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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Metal Matt's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, August 16th, 2011
11:53 pm
So last night we found out a kid that used to work with Corey at Petsmart killed himself this weekend. I don't know how to approach this. I guess I'll just start with his story. His name is Patrick. He was a really super nice kid, early to mid 20's. He was just kind of socially awkward. He was a "fat" kid. Kind of "dorky" and goofy but a really good hearted, good kid. Ended up having gastric bypass surgery and got skinny. I think he was made fun of alot for being big and was really self concious about it. He tried really hard to make friends but it seems like no one really wanted to take the time to really be a friend to him. Like people thought he was nice but thought he was too dorky or whatever to actually hang out with. We don't know all the facts and reasons why he would've killed himself but we're pretty sure this was the main reason. I had heard alot about him and met him a few times coming into the store to visit Corey and he always greeted me with a handshake and was always very polite and eager to get to know me. It's like he didn't care who the person was he just wanted someone to be his friend, anyone, like he was almost desperate for attention. He was always putting himself out there trying to make friends but no one really cared to be his friend. Corey and some others tried to be a friend to him but most just blew him off or were even mean to him just because he was a little different. I've had a couple other friends, fairly close friends commit suicide before. I don't know all their reasons either but both of them just seemed like they were just never happy with life. They were always bitching and complaining with something. Never satisfied. Like a stranger on the street could hand them a 100 dollar bill and they would complain it was wrinkled. They were always down about shit. Never wanted to man up or stand up to the situations or people that were bringing them down and make it better. This was not the case with this kid. He was always happy and tried to make the best out of life's situations. Seemed like he was satisfied and content with just going through the motions of life. Just wanted some people to spend it with. He wasn't a pussy about the situation. He constantly was putting himself out and extending his hand in friendship. Trying to meet people. Trying to make friends. So basically I guess what I want to say is I think it's really sad and I think it's crap that someone like this kid felt so bad about themselves that he went to the extremes to end his life all because other people thought they were too good to give this kid the time of day, give him a chance to be friends, just let him hang and be part of the crowd. So maybe we could use this as a lesson. I'm sure at times we've all had someone like this in our lives. At work, school, wherever. If someone like Patrick extends their hand to you in friendship, accept them. We're all adults now. Who cares if he or she's a litte goofy or dorky or whatever. Don't take for granted that they must have friends they can turn to. You might be the only person they have. Take the time to go to their house and drink a couple beers with them and play video games if they invite you. Invite them to come get some beers after work with the crew. Invite them to come over and watch the game...ect. If anything just take the time to talk to them. Get to know them. Be there for them. Take a little bit of time to be someone positive in that person's life and it might just make the difference from that person feeling so bad about themselves that they want to end their life to making that person's day.
Monday, July 30th, 2007
2:54 pm
Cum see my band damit.
Satuday August 4th 6:30 P.M.

2204 Grant Street Bettendorf IA 52722

Cygnus Loop
The Clique

Be there or suck a turd!
<input ... >
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
3:38 am
Marathon beer drinking
So I drank beer from 11:00 p.m Satyrday night to 2:00 a.m. Sunday night, then tried to have sex and couldn't even get a boner. No sleep, no speedy drugs, just pure hardcore dedicated beer drinking. Why? Cause I can and beer rules. Why not? With dedicated party skills you too can earn up to +10,000 metal points in a single weekend. Fuck yeah, I'm a dumbass.
Thursday, April 13th, 2006
4:09 am
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
5:41 am
Drunk driving + Napalm Death kicks ass.
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
5:13 am
Far Beyond Driven. Track 7. Slaughtered. If you can't take it, fuck you. The most pissed song ever. I love it. A total feeling of testosterone mixed with euphoria. Oh, and a little bit of wastedness. Dimebag slaughters all. Fuck you.
Monday, February 20th, 2006
4:03 am
Rage fuck party destruction.
Satyrday was sweet. Went to Bloomington to a Dale Earnhardt party on ISU campus. The whole aparmtent complex got destroyed. We tried to ram my head through the wall in the hallway but it didn't work this time. A buddy punched holes through it. A bunch of people spit on the beer pong table and I ran and slid across it. Nate W. shat off the stairwell and then took his own shit and wrote G.G. on the wall with it. +500 metal points. Then to top it off someone pulled the fire alarm. For sure the craziest party I've been to in years. Thx Turtle. Bloomington is so much funner on the weekends than Peoria. People here suck at partying.
Friday, January 6th, 2006
3:59 am
Yes Eric I know, I should quit being emo and drink beer, piss on sluts, and listen to Pantera.
Why do girls always end up treating me like crap and throwing me away. Fuck em. They love you when they're needy but once they're not in need anymore you're nothing. I could go on.... This whole town in general is depressing me. There's very few friends that I have that I consider goodhearted people I can trust and count on. I don't even have fun anymore. I got a good job finally. I'm growing up. Not that it's about money or material items but I just bought the car I've wanted my whole life, working on getting my dream guitar rig, I should be happy, but I'm miserable. I finally have money to do things and have fun but now I have no one to have fun with. This is the first time in my life I haven't been happy. I've never been depressed before. Sure I basically just got dumped, of course I'm bummed, but it's more than that. I feel like I'm gonna freak out. What should I do? Any suggestions?

Current Mood: depressed and confused
Thursday, January 5th, 2006
3:57 am
I try so hard. Why?

Current Mood: depressed
Saturday, October 8th, 2005
5:40 am
leave me a message with your name and........

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
9:48 pm
Shitface is pissed
So who's the fuck that kicked in my headlight at the OPW/BLL show at the E.P. Legion last Friday? I think I know who the fag is but I don't know his name. If anyone knows about this let me know.

Current Mood: pissed off
Friday, April 22nd, 2005
12:10 am
Shitface loves power metal. \m/
Gamma Ray Gamma Ray Gamma Gamma Gamma Ray! Gamma Ray fucking kicks ass. They are my new favorite band besides of course Strapping Young Lad. I fucking love power metal. Power metal fucking rules.

Current Mood: enthralled
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
11:13 pm
Cygnus Loop live this Saturday.
April/16/2005 05:00 PM - VFW Hall 8662
1111 S. Western, Peoria, IL 61601, - $5.00
Victims Of Chaos, Cygnus Loop, Missing In Action, Of Parting Words(A.K.A. Of Farting Turds), The Insolents, XXXSmut, The Supermen, Show starts at 5:00 P.M. We play second. That means get there early bitches! All ages. Alcohol with I.D.

Current Mood: drained
Friday, February 25th, 2005
5:31 am
Heavy Metal House Party
Heavy metal house party with Cygnus Loop and Of Parting Words. Saturday Feb. 26th 8 P.M. Devon Greene and Jason Moll's house, 1016 Elmwood. Across Main St. from the Bradley student center. Bring your own booze. It's gonna be a big heavy metal thrash orgy. Everbody's invited. Hot sluts that love gallons of cum on their face more than welcome. (Yeah I'm like 12)

Current Mood: horny
Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
9:26 pm
1:09 am
Cygnus Loop Fri. Dec. 10th East Peoria Legion Hall
Cygnus Loop will be performing at the East Peoria Legion hall on Friday December 10th at 7 p.m. We will be playing with Minsk, 7th overture, and Rye Field Crane. You all better be there and bang thy head.
1:06 am
Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
1:26 am
Cygnus Loop debut show.
Hey fags, haven't updated in a while. So anyways Peoria's prog black metal elite better known as Cygnus Loop will be making our debut performance at the legendary venue other known as Brian Blanche from No Security's back yard! This will be the bassless version af Cygnus Loop due to the fact that some bass players would rather do other things than stay home and learn their bass lines. The bassless Cygnus Loop will be performing such hits as "Birthing Spectrums", "Upon fatalist atlar", the epic "If tears were skin", and "Conquest." Everyone in the area is invited and I bvelieve fliers are being made and will be posted at the local record stores with directions I hope. So come on down and BANG YOUR FUCKING HEAD! \m/

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
3:02 am
" Who gives a shit, asshole?"
So yeah, I haven't updated this thing. I'm trying to be less internet faggish. I try not to waste my time on here when I could be playing guitar and writing music. I have a full band now called Cygnus loop. Take Strapping young lad and Soilwork and mix it with black metal, space, and prog rock. We should be playing out by May or June. I also have a new girlfriend now. We met on New Years. We hang out alot. That's another reason for not updating. She's just as metal as I am but she know's even more about space rock and other weird shit. Her 2 favorite bands are Strapping young lad and Hawkwind. Hmmm....what a coincidence. Other than that just ame old shit, work, school, being poor, booze, metal, and bathroom humor. So fart, get fucked, and suck a turd to a point and stab yourself with it.\m/
Sunday, March 14th, 2004
1:47 am
Ben is a giant douche bag forever and ever and ever. Amen.
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